ThePanda

Take a graph (one of the nice rounded ones, the kind u get when u trace cokes bottle, or a rather more naturally curvaceous form), take two points on it, and join them by a line, it’s slope should approximately give u the slope of the graph in that region, keep getting the points closer and u get more accurate, make the points such that the distance between them approaches a limit of 0 (which is to say zat ze points remain distinct, but r close as u can make them, and if u can get them to a distance immensely small, then I being a panda can bring them closer than that, ‘coz there r infinitely many points between two distinct points), and well eventually u shud get an accurate slope of a graph at a point….. Or so said Mr. Newton, but then differentiation really hates sharp graphs, the kind u get if u plot the financial markets for a week or so, plot ur relations, plot using a scale, or use cubism as an example of a graph…. But then again Mr. Newton loved perfection in a time which killed u if u weren’t perfect (adultery, unexplained stuff, and other seemingly benign problems used to all lead to death, in rather gruesome fashions, and that 2 not b4 a session with ze rack where zey tried eliciting a confession from ze poor soul), which is y his self-confessed hobby was watching ppl hang, specially those ppl who had dared to forge currency, ‘coz Mr. Newton was ze currency inspector, besides there was no Cubism in Mr. Newton’s time, ppl usually painted ships on nice smooth waves, or more curvaceous shapes, which is y Mr. Differentiation like Mr. Newton likes smooth curves, as do all current mall designers (doubt there r more than two ‘coz all malls look awfully alike) in Delhi….... Walk into a descent mall made in recent days and all ud run up against r beautifully curved roads on which ppl r expected to park their seemingly straight cars, and this wud have been easier, except for ze fact zat cars much like the curvaceous forms sitting inside them r not infetisimal, and their sizes (both the cars and curvaceous forms), no matter what they say on TV don’t tend to 0 (if ur anorexic that’s not to say ur fat, ur really thin, just that being infetisimally thin ain’t all zat good, go ask the lines in Flatland if u won’t take a panda’s word for it), which is one important reason y u shudnt drive to a decently famous mall on a weekend, ‘coz first u spend infinite amounts of time finding parking space for ur car, and then to satisfy ze parking attendant u somehow try to create ze illusion zat ur car’s exactly fit along a curve without leaving nemore than a silver of road needed by (what the parking attendant believes r infetisimally small) curvaceous bodies….......... Then u enter ze mall only to end up in chimp infested shops which r so filled with non-infetisimal curvaceous forms zat ze only way to actually c or buy nething is to be infetisimally small, or at least try and squeeze urself into an infetisimally small space, which is kindda sad, since physics (which unlike math, does determine ze real world) does give a minimum size a body can be, and though that size is verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry small it aint infinitely small and hence for someone (say a particle physicist) it ain’t approaching zero, which is to say zat being smaller than a particular size is impossible…........... Try explaining zis to ze shops which stuff their already crowded aisles with useless stuff and more ppl by declaring sales on useless stuff which a certain section of curvaceous forms likes buying…................... Sad me say, since ze panda ain’t anorexic, ain’t even close to being infetisimally small and in more ways than one gorges on food and doesn’t exercise, doesn’t like close confined crowded spaces, ‘coz zey don’t allow him ze freedom to search for what he wants…. And zat after he spent 10 bucks (that’s rupees not dollars, abt 20 cents) and 15 minutes (unstretched, taken off of reading a clock on a big japanese corporations stereo in ze car, and rather more accurately by listening to music) finding a parking space where ze car cud sit, relax, and show ze world what a tangent or a secant (depending on which end of ze curve ze car ends up on) is…........

Ze session of charcoal grilled meat has in ze spirit of ze season been deferred, mostly becoz my mom, despite living in Delhi for far 2 long) has managed to contract delhi belly, which has essentially restricted what she can or cannot eat…..... Hopefully we’ll be getting some of zat tomorrow, though its more likely that the deferment is until later next week when my mom will be in a better position (though she doesn’t eat mutton, sticks to fish and sea food only) to help us out with ze project…............... Me know zis is an effect of ze chimp conspiracy ray, which of late has strengthened ze microbes, thus making winning insanely hard for the immune system of humans afflicted by zese buggers….... But then I said zis once will say it a billion times, ‘tis ze season for deferment….

Seemingly me am thru to another Canadian university (though no word from the US till now), its McMaster this time, though again its already been swamped over by Alberta, which is y I am still waiting for word from Queens, which among other things gives leather jackets to entering undergrads, and teaches u something called the Oil Thigh…....... Hmm my friends also been telling me zat zis seemingly worthless blog shud be available at http://aurojit.pauridge.org/blog/ though my tests into zis claim have so far prooved inconclusive, which is y I’ll leave it upto u gr8 guys to decide whether zis is actually so or not…...........

Return of The Samurai comes out in slightly less than a week, ze biyearly auto expo begins in another four days, Mac celebrates its 20th birthday in another 13 days, and me am on a mission to somehow convince me parents zat zis in an excellent time to visit ze jungles zat I so love…....... Besides I m supposed to meet up with a friend next weekend, hook up with another friend at school, where I wud definitely run into some of me other friends, test Xgrid, and search for new GBA cartridges, all zis next week…....... Next weeks busy and zat is cooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool ‘coz all of zese r things zat I really like doing yahoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…....................

I m also privy to a seemingly secret plan to make atleast one section of ze skools mag look better than it already does, and though I can’t write much abt it since I m not sure zese plans r gonna be public netime soon, as soon as I get heads up on zis I’d be telling ppl all abt it, though including everything zat we discussed wud pretty much make zis blog inaccessible from a lot of places specially those which have notices in big bold letters saying zat Accessing Inappropriate Content Wud Lead to a Termination of Internet Privileges (neh zis ain’t prison since I’ve never really been near one, though reading The First Circle wud convince most of u zat prison can be wherever u want it to be, and mere bars, or bad food, or restricted visiting rights don’t make a prison a prison, besides in some countries conjugal visits r allowed, now if u don’t know what conjugal visits r, I suggest u don’t open ur dictionary, ‘coz that cud get me into trouble, for telling ze masses what ze indian govt supposes no one knows)......

Today has also been an excessively spammy and irritating forwardy day….... First I get my first case of SMS spam, courtesy some stupid chemists store which wants to sell me homeopathic medicines for strangely named diseases, then my mailbox is swamped with 15 spam mails, and then three of my old classmates decide to send me forwarded jokes which have 100 kbs of payload attached with them, now I appreciate their efforts to get me to laugh, but I’d be much happier and laughing more if they restricted their efforts to text only messages, but me have already tried explaining zat to zem, and doing nething now wud be rude, which is y ME AM CONFUSED ABT WAT ME SHUD TELL THEM, ‘COZ ME NOT LIKE WASTING PRECIOUS SPACE FROM ME EMAIL SERVICE, SPECIALLY SINCE ZIS IS ZE ADDRESS ZE COLLEGES USE, hay elp hay elp (umm sorry for shouting, I know its rude, but I was flustered).............

Hmm strangely enuf if neone heres been scanning and then printing currency notes, and does so using Adobe Photoshop, umm well don’t update since new updates r somehow supposed to prevent u from doing something like zis…... I guess ze days of Saddam and his sons using $100 bills for burning cigars r over, since with such an important source of currency gone (which one of my friend admits he’s tried out once at skool), ze number of bills avl shud undergo a drastic reduction…......

Have u ever noticed that it is when u most want to c ppl online, u find no ones there…..... This has been a common observation with me atleast and I say zat in keeping with Murphys laws zis shud now be declared as ze pandas law…...... Take tonite for instance, me came online early ‘coz me had nuthin else 2 do, and me wrote all of zis, and zen me look 4 ppl to talk to and amazingly everyones disappeared… Now if zis was a normal day when most of my blog entry was still up there in ze big chunk of fat and protein ppl so kindly call a brain, I’d have atleast 5 ppl online with a minimum of 2 of zem trying to get me attention, and me wud be givin’ them attention and we wud be talking and ideas wud be slipping out of my brain while new ones wud be forming, and today no one, ABSOLUTELY NO ONES around whom me can talk 2 (umm ok 1 guy but still he keeps coming online and going offline and is currently “contemplating”).......... Wonder where I get ze Panda’s law of inverted online attendance registered…................

Ze Panda
still wondering y ze damn mall designers hate having straight roads and big parkings…...............

This entry was posted on Saturday, January 10th, 2004 at 1:34 pm and is filed under article. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.