Perhaps I should not be typing this, perhaps I should not be doing any of the things I have been spending time on this weekend, wait I didn’t actually spend time on much of anything, perhaps I should spend time on things which are not much of anything, perhaps I should stop saying perhaps… I am tired, I am truly and utterly tired, and I am annoyed about things too numerous to list, I seem to be one of the all time greatest sources of humor at this point of time, being laughed at for some of what annoys me, and umm charging penguins are kind of included in that list, me being weird and all. I have stuff on order from Amazon, and I really wish people stopped attributing attributes to me at this point in time. I need to work on my topology midterm, which though not hard is still doing a really good job of making me feel stupid. A lot of things have been doing a good job of that this semester, might have something or nothing to do with everything that is weird in the world. I turn 20 in two days, it’s no different from when I turned 18 or 19, or any of those other big numbers after school, well a little is different, last year I was at college for the first time, I was hoping exciting things would happen, this time I am sort of resigned to the fact that it will be another day, perhaps even a weird one like it was last year. I want to see Lion King, which is playing downtown, but I don’t want to go alone, since a) it is not fun to do so, b) it is safer to go with people, c) it is cheap enough that money is not an excuse for most, d) I do not know what most people’s excuse is, and e) because I am not sure I want to spend that much money on seeing an off-broadway broadway show alone. I also want it to snow, seeing as the days are short and it is chilly already, snow would at least make the world around white, sort of nice, I guess, I don’t know, perhaps also because it would give me an excuse to wear my winter coat, which at present seems like an overkill.
I had an interview with Apple last Thursday, funny how few people know about this, well I don’t know, at that time it just felt like another one of those things I should perhaps try to do, in hopes of being able to prove something, and now it seems like a good idea to hope that I actually get the job. Why would I want that, I am not sure, Caltech, which is where I have wanted to be in the summer seems to make more sense, but seeing that as of now I know absolutely no one in the math department that seems to be one of the plans which is going to fall by the wayside. We discussed parts of this at my interview, how so many of the things I seem to have started fall by the wayside, the OS of long ago featured prominently in my discussions. Interviewers are a funny set of people, most of them are polite, hard to decipher individuals, me and IAN both walked out of the interview feeling befuddled, and yet we cannot share the same fate in that interview, umm well perhaps we can, it just seems strangely improbable.
I need to do topology, I need to stop typing this, perhaps I am going to do that, minimize both this and the window I am writing a story in. Oh people should visit David Lanham, he seems to have really cool background images, or well it is my belief that he has really good desktop backgrounds, and seeing as I have taken to using his pictures as backgrounds I feel it is appropriate that I plug for him. Time to do some of that topology thing, though I am sure I will be back to writing more before I am done, perhaps even before I am done with one additional question…
So that came true, I write this before I am done with one question, perhaps because I received a call and was forced to take it, such being the requirements of calls from home, though I hardly mean to complain about them, they are rare enough, and are somewhat entertaining. Assumptions loom across the world, they are funny things, assumptions that is, everyone makes a few about everyone, I don’t think anyone quite realizes how many things people assume about them, this includes me, but then I think it is simpler to not assume what people assume about me. As TRB once mentioned on one of our walks, back when they still used to happen, assuming is bad, it makes an ass of you and me. Hmm talking about walks, this is perhaps one of the first weekends in a few weeks when I have not walked out and gone on a walk because of sheer inability to understand what exactly being social entails in that particular case. Funny thing being social is, what do you do when someone who hasn’t IMed you in like forever IMs you again, and you are engaged in some deep thought, pause thoughts and answer IM, or ignore the IM and be antisocial, instant messaging, computers, and cellphones have started to pervade my sense of what being social is. The other day, I was told by one of my coworkers that the next generation of computers was going to be on a cellphone, I am not quite sure about how I should react to this development, sure I love computers and can’t actually imagine surviving school or the lack thereof in the absence of one, and every time I tell someone that I don’t really know how to repair their computer, the sadness they show, and the sadness I feel assures me that they are probably the same way, and yet I don’t like the idea of cellphones as computers. My cellphone can already do a billion gazillion things I don’t need for it to, I am not sure I’d want to leave my Powerbook and shift to a cellphone. Perhaps I am no longer cool enough, a parent hinted at this last weekend. I had this person randomly call me at the help desk, and while I was trying to sort his problems out, he began to tell me about how he had programmed stuff for Statistics Canada in Fortran, “back in the day”, and how no one knew about Fortran these days, well someone clearly does, for I do, I have seen Fortran code, I know what made it good for things, and things it sucked at, I don’t like it, but I know of it, and perhaps that really is freakish, this despite the fact that I heard of it in early 1998 in my dad’s lab, while it was being used on what was perhaps state of the art in terms of machine capabilities back then…
I was just told that the fact that someone I know well’s understanding why I compare beds and hard drives is sad. I am still to figure out whether this is because the theory itself is weird, whether because it is geekish, or whether because such a statement automatically implies less than optimal roomkeeping on both of our parts, not sure… We have too much ice cream in this house, which is a good thing for ice cream is good, but bad because a lot of it is owned by people and no one cares to eat any of it, since it is labeled, and that in itself leads to limited amounts of space for keeping more ice cream, thus leading to a weird situation of wanting to buy ice cream so that I could eat it later, and not buying ice cream so the freezer would have space for more important things, ice trays for instance… I bought brie earlier this week, good cheese is good… I use a lot of ‘I’s in these entries, a recent conscious attempt at comparing these values with past conversations seems to indicate the incident rate of ‘I’s is much higher in these entries. This could of course be a result of skewed data dynamics because I kept track of the number of ‘I’s thus screwing up one of the sample spaces, it could also be because these are supposed to compensate for me screaming at certain people, myself for instance…
It is going to be National Novel Writing Month in another 8 days, as my source for such information recently assured me, the month is actually a lot more international than the name would imply. Funny, I have never heard of such a month while back home, though that could be because novel writing was not a big thing amongst my circle of friends. Speaking of circle of friends, what’s with those few people who were “keeping in touch” with me, like has everyone just decided to disappear, ‘coz honestly I couldn’t care less, I have too much work, and this suits me fine, but any cribbing about my disappearance over the winter shall not make me happy…
I just did stuff on my Topology test that made me sort of happy, though there’s lot more stuff to do, so I don’t know how happy I should be. Bah, happiness is weird, it prevents me from doing more work, no wait, it prevents me from doing some of the work I should be doing. Funny, I really haven’t done that much that has been enjoyable this weekend, and yet I have not gotten through too big a proportion of my work. And it’s been raining most of the weekend, cold uncomfortable rain that necessitates the wearing of fleeces and jackets, funny as that is… I wish I took some of the things that concern me more seriously, I wish less people thought I was more intelligent than them, and hence shied away from helping me, oh and I wish I had applied for the fiction writing deadline, I sort of wanted to take that class, bah, missing deadlines…
I might take a seminarish cognitive science class next semester, I am not quite sure why, but I feel like I should, it’s one of those things which I find interesting, and have yet to have taken, and it’s a seminar, so it could potentially be fun. Besides the instructor is another person from the land of the kangaroos, and the last person from the land of the kangaroos was awesomely fun. I am going to be around all of tomorrow, and I want to do work while I am around, and having this lying around is not conducive to sleep, and I should go sleep, soon… The clocks change over soon, which means one of these days I’ll have one less hour to do anything in, this is not fair, there is no reason why anyone, especially someone like Benjamin Franklin should conspire to steal an hour from my already over crowded day, I never conspired to steal things from him, or anyone else…
I need to go sleep, this needs to go online, these requirements are not analogous, but they need to happen…
Ze Panda
Dreaming about weirder things…