Delhi
Saturday, January 7th, 2006For those not-so-observant souls who tend to try and follow my life (not quite sure why, am pretty sure this blog serves as little else, recent JOGLness, and expected JOGLness, being a rare exception), I have been in Delhi for a while, short one, but have been here nevertheless. Shit happened, while I was in Delhi, seems to be a common theme, shit happening, if I didn’t know better, I’d say the powers that make shit have been following me around, comes close on the heels of my old chimpish adventures. Well I am not sure when I stopped caring about the chimpish analogies, but somewhere between getting into college and now, I lost my lines about my chimp, some of my beliefs, most of my hobbies and large chunks of my minds, no wait the last one I had lost a long time ago, but that being said things were lost, and while many more things were gained, I am not going to make comments on the chimps and their conspiracy, seems inadequate. Seventy hours from now I get on a flight back to Providence, can’t say I am not glad to be out of here, for as much as I have liked some of what this trip has brought, sleep and good food at regular intervals for instance, I can’t say I am any closer to accepting most of this place. This trip has been more successful in some ways, I met fewer people, perhaps on a whole, went to fewer places, but most of the places I went to I had a pretty good idea about who I did and did not like, and I could chose to speak to those who I did, and ignore those who I didn’t, allow them to live in blissful ignorance about me as it is, I am sure most of them didn’t want to talk to me either ways, and they are not people I like, they have their uses, I don’t know what those are. I am going to be in Providence about 7 days before the first of the people I know really well start coming in, a seemingly recurring theme, but one that I like nevertheless, gives me time to go back to adjusting for Providence, besides I have a copy of Serenity waiting for me when I get back, having watched all of Firefly, this has to be fun.
For those who don’t know, I am not coming back this summer, I am probably going to be in New York City, though there’s a slim chance I might end up at Cupertino instead, depends on the powers that are, and other things, I will be working for people I usually, in my acknowledgedly skewed way, classify as loving and evil, though the loving means little in reality, and the evilness does little, most of my friends, and in some ways I am in someways evil, evilness is an inherent quality of things in a certain ways. People have long claimed I should be more thankful about Delhi, and earlier today someone quipped that I looked sort of happy with my parents, perhaps I did, perhaps I didn’t, I am not sure, perhaps staying away shall make me appreciate it more, but right now, it’s just the weird city I come back to ever so often, to meet an alarmingly diminishing pool of people I once knew, and people who perhaps know me now. I tried explaining to someone who once knew me, about how different we had grown since moving away, how unlike each other, and I was firmly put down by being told I had changed too. Perhaps I have, perhaps I over analyze, perhaps, as a friend of mine put it, many years from now, we’ll all meet in a distant place, and finally understand what the first 17 (in my case) or 18 (in everyone elses case) of our lives were really about, but this is not when it makes much sense, and this place holds too many strange memories. People say I am strange for having such reactions to a city I lived in, still live in in some ways, I am not sure this is true, my father has strange reactions to a city, a city he lived in, as he has often tried to explain, his situation was different, more stressful than mine. Perhaps was, perhaps different situations lead to different stress points, not sure, I like where I am now, but it is strange how few people know about both the past and the present, it is almost like I am on the other side of a chasm, I have friends on both sides, both sides have their stories, but there is no way the twain shall ever meet. I spoke of a great many things earlier tonight, we were entertaining guests, and I guess in a way I got tired of hanging around with ideas in my head, I interjected. I was told I have learnt new things, grown, perhaps I always knew of those same things, I just didn’t express them, I am not sure.
Last semester was bad in the amount of work I was doing, it was bad in some of the things which happened, and as much as I love the people I live with, it was bad in the ways it divided the people I lived with. It got better after thanksgiving, as HBA put it, we all needed a break. Well we all got a break, I made better choices, hopefully, in terms of classes, things I think I will like, mostly in that I don’t have two of my classes worked out, and a bunch of classes I want to take, it’s like freshman year again, except I know what I am concentrating in. Spike, the Math-CS concentration advisor, mentioned during my only meeting with him, that it really wouldn’t matter if I never learnt the deep intricacies of Galois theory, since I probably knew enough abstract algebra and other things, to enable me to spend very little time, and learn it when I actually did need to, I thought he was kidding then, the rest of the semester sort of proved him right. I spent much of my last two semesters of “liberal” education doing things I thought necessary, things that I didn’t necessarily liked, they all served a purpose, but very little of it was enjoyable. I am going to go back on that this semester, I have enough course credits and courses done to actually do this, I am going to slow down and enjoy some of what I do, even if it is grand in its uselessness, it is not like I have much idea of what is useful. Besides I think I am in a more enjoyable concentration track now, I sort of enjoyed all the playing around with JOGL and Matlab I did in recent times (speaking of Matlab I have to write about MatlabMPI someday, well someday), and if I am very very lucky, I might make it to an AI conference later this year (keeping fingers crossed). Two of my closest professors are not going to be in Brown this semester, I am not completely sure where I stand with either one, but not having them around has its disadvantages, and its advantages, sort of forces me to go out meet new professors. I am TAing a CS course, so there’s a good chance I might be back to doing work I enjoy more than sitting around in front of a computer going “Hello this is Panda speaking, thank you for calling the CIS help desk, how might I help you today”. That statement alone would get me fired from most help desk jobs, probably, well good thing CIS is nice, and Brown run. Brown’s nice in its pretty liberalness, the insane attempts at PC, while often strange are what I usually miss back home. Calling a spade a spade is not bad, calling something people don’t know about names is sort of bad. I have no idea about what I am going to do for the housing lottery, most people I live with will perhaps not be entering the lottery, some I do not wish to live with, I am not really sure who I want to live with, a single’s in order, I like my roommate, but living in a single rocks in more ways than one, a suite would be nice, a Young O suite I can squat senior year would be awesome (I know it is next to impossible, I can dream right). People I know graduate this year, I am not certain LMF is one of them, but if he is, I shall miss him sort of. I didn’t really see much of BSG, LMF, WNS or some of the other people I met over the last two years over the course of the last semester. I am not sure of when WNS will take a class I am officially registered for, though it’d be sort of fun to have her in a class with me, she’s a fun person to have in a class. I do know, or have a fair idea of the next class SCE will be taking with me, I am going to be involved in a group project, I am not sure this is a good thing, past experiences with group projects have been strange, past groups have not been as strong as current group, didn’t live with members of past group. I had some strangely philosophical talks with LMF, I never did get around to asking him about the resolution to some of the strange problems we spoke of, he wishes to go to med school, I sort of wish that works out. I scared certain people, NNK and LMS possibly chief among them, would sort of like to go back and patch that up, at least with LMS, am not sure how, especially since we never discussed this again. Cellphones rock in Providence, people call me at appropriate times, cellphones in Delhi suck, people call my parents at strange times, and my father’s addicted to them, or so is my belief.
I have never had a New Year’s resolution, it sort of never came up when I was a kid, and by the time New Year’s resolutions and the like became a necessary fad back home, and not theoretical things I knew about thanks to other people, I had grown old enough to decide I wanted to rebel against fads. So much for that, college made me follow a few fads, a book made me realize not following fads is a fad in itself, I have a blog, I am a math-cs concentrator, I am going to do an internship with people I once claimed I wouldn’t work for, and my roommate owns the faddiest computer of them all, something I’d like to own someday, I am not on the fad rail, but what the hell I am close. I digress however, I have never had resolutions, I don’t plan on having any this year either, there are however things I wish to try, things I sort of want to do, not all of them proudening, future-securing, academic things people back home seem to be asking me about, but things I think I might enjoy, things I haven’t really done before, this could be fun. My high school counselor was appalled by my describing Brown as fun last time I was in Delhi, well I am not at Harvard, school’s changed too much, and having fun was what had made school fun for me, so much for never attending classes while in school.
There is no reason for this post, I was planning on a post Delhi blog once I was out of here, no one was really online, I sort of wanted to remember parts of this night, and this trip. None of the parts I enjoyed were ever really spoken out loud, they were observations made by me, strangely none of my friends were really here tonight, just one of my father’s friends, is strange how that works. Good food rocks.
Aurojit
(for Ze Panda was inappropriate)